put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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