I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
