I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
