She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
