ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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