sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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