How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize