dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
