Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
