Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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