A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
