so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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