I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize