I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize