Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
