you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
