Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
