the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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