i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
