bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
