Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
