I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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