I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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