my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
