Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
