Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize