He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize