drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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