Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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