I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
