I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize