you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
