Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
