There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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