I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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