What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
