i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
