I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
