He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
