I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
