Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
