3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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