I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
