Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
