I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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