Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
