im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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