I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Farmville is her only friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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