I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize