Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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