You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
