Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
