There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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