Kiss
Puke
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
