3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
