i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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