can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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