Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
