Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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