***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
