Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
