I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
