Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
