I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
