i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
