Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
