I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
