Are we in a gay sports bar?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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