im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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