Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize