i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
