I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
